It was 4 months since she called me. We studied in school together. Tall and pretty, she’s been a great friend to me. I still owe her the gift for the rakhi she tied to my hand 5 years back!
I expected that call to be a great one, since talking to her is always fun. But, she told me about something that worried her much. I like friends who purposely call me to tell their problems. It gives me an impression, that they see me when they have a problem (not that it is me who is the reason for their problems ;)!!) This was what she said.
A guy proposed to her in college. She liked his presence, his speech, his affection and care – she liked him, and wanted to accept it. But she did not. She did not accept it, and felt very bad for that. Now that’s stupid. I did not see any point in refusing something that comes your way and that you feel is good for you. He was a good guy she said, void of all the ‘good’ things that boys do (u get it here!!), and she felt he’s the perfect match. Now that’s even more stupid, I thought, and that was when she said she rejected it for her parents’ sake.
This is something I feel very good in girls, typically Tamil girls. Their first preference is parents. Girls know the parents’ pain. They are always sensitive when it comes to their parents.
For some reason in her case, I found it perplexing – she was the only child to her parents, has got whatever she has desired for till now, has an understanding and friendly father – I have spoken to him a couple of times, still she felt her parents won’t agree. Finally I asked her why, and she told that the guy was not of her caste. She was a Naidu and the guy was not!
I was saddened. Not because she would not get the life she desired for, but for the sentiments of our immediate ancestors. I always used to think, why is love a big crime in India, that too in the so-called ‘legacy’ Indian families? Why are people who did a love marriage always viewed like untouchables in some families? When I asked a few confidants among my relatives, I learnt that they felt love marriage would result in polluting the culture and tradition of the Brahmins (since we are Brahmins). Another question struck me. Why is a simple Love marriage such a big crime, while there is lots of other culture – pollutants within our system? Well, I do not want to comment on what are those culture-pollutants, for I myself have no deep idea into them. But, I am sure, that there are many other things to worry about, rather that breaking one’s head on caste and race.
The answer might be, I thought, two things - one, the hatred towards love, and two, the caste. Case one may be too generic, happening only in some of the families. Such problems are easy to solve, with certain time put into to convincing and making parents realize its importance. But case two, according to me, is pretty hard to understand, leave alone to solve.
Man has fought since he ever came to existence. He started off with fighting for food. He fought animals, he fought man, and he fought nature. Now if you watch two men fighting for food, it doesn’t look good. You say they’re animals. Indeed, man is an animal who still fights. But, the motive and the mode are different. After man civilized, he fought for land and power. Even the pure hearts were not an exception, for the Vatican Church fought the scientists for the sake of their reputation in the early Centuries. The scientists in turn fought the Vatican to declare their power. Then the bonded people fought for Independence, and once we got that, we fought among ourselves for Religion and caste, and we are still fighting.
All the other things, for which man had fought, had some reason. Food is one impeccable thing without which nobody can live. Man fought for food for himself, his people. Church fought for power, so that it can govern a country (however good or bad). Scientists fought the church, so that they can prove to the world what is right and what is wrong. But why is the fight for religion and caste? I don’t understand.
Our scriptures say, that Hindus were divided into four groups – Brahmins, Kshathriyas, Vaishyas and the Shudras. These were people who were scholars, war heroes, businessmen and labourers, respectively. These sects have multiplied themselves into one huge list of meaningless words, to which the people of India are divided into. I do not know if there are castes, sub-castes, or sects in the US, I have never been there!
So, if you are a person who follows your Shasthras correctly, then you should have the heart and sense to understand, that if you do not perform religious activities, or teach people, or become a scholar, you are in no way a Brahmin. You should completely accept, that if you are not in the army or the police or the CRPF or something, you are not a kshathriya. If you are not into business, you are not a Vaishya. If you are not a peon, or an office boy, or a steward, or a mechanic’s assistant, you are not a Shudhra. Okay, if you are a clerk in a Government office, or a bank Manager, or a software professional, you are definitely none of the above.
So where is the question of you being a Brahmin and me being a Nadar? These were professions followed by our ancestors, bundled with some specific practices that suited their profession.
Man has always been formulating new ways of living since he started to exist. He discovered that food can be cooked, stones can be used as tools, he invented the wheel, he discovered metal and used it for hunting, jewellery etc, and so on. Everything was done in his pursuit of making his life better. As time went, man modified all these in order to make his world a still better place to live in. Man’s personal satisfaction has always turned out to be above anything else. Man’s ultimate aim has been to make himself, his people and his surroundings better.
Similarly, man devised these castes to split up the work in the society. He structured them, so that the society could be governed and managed better. He devised them according to the physical fitness, mental soundness and the monetary strength of the society’s members. However, unfortunately, this system went so deep into the minds of our ancestors that they started to split not only the work, but the people themselves. Then came into existence the castes which were deemed to be higher than the rest, and some which were lower than the whole. Today, this has become a phenomenon, a luxury, a symbol of power and pride.
But, when the younger generation is going far away from things and living in a freer and tolerant world, the whole caste system seems irrelevant to me. Ultimately, this becomes a matter of personal choice – I am a Brahmin, because I prefer being a Brahmin. But I am not supposed to insist my people to be Brahmins.
If you ask me, all this is a big piece of waste. Religion is just a path to reach god. They all start from the same place, and end at the same place. They start from the interest to reach God, and ends in the ultimate power, called God. In other words, religion is something like many concurrent 8's. Picturize that in your mind, as I am unable to attach the pic here.
It starts from the same point, and ends at the same destination. All religions have many common views, like the intersection in the 8. Castes are just the modes of transport in any of these roads called religions.
When no religion restricts its follower to mingle with the follower of another religion, when no religion embraces differences in the name of God, when no religion says No to love, why do we fight a cold-war in its name? So, pure spirituality is not in being orthodox, but in being secular.
Love, in fact gives way to secularism, tolerance, and maturity. Pure, careful and thoughtful love marriage will definitely do wonders not only to the couple, but also to the family, and the country.
I wait for the time, when not only her parents, but also our immediate ancestors take a more considerable action when their matured children come with a proposal to marry a person of his/her choice. Lovers, they have the right to object to your love, after all they are your parents, but parents, you have to reject them with a reason, and not things which don’t matter in today’s world.
After all, the spouse is the only relation which comes with a freedom to choose.
