182 days back, I was building a foundation for the life that I wanted to lead, which I thought was strong enough to hold on for a long time. But the very next day, it fell apart, and the whole world seemed to be collapsing around me. February the 13th, 2012 told me that I needed to start over, with new plans. Today, as I am preparing to fly to India this week, the memories of my previous trip come to haunt me. As though this was not enough, a couple of movie-scenes I saw this morning are adding fuel to the fire.
Having a good memory is good, but sometimes that turns out to be the biggest hurdle in the way of peace. My memory of February 2012 seems like it had been inscribed on rock, and however hard I try, it just doesn't leave. I should say, she just doesn't leave. And I haven't forgotten that time heals everything. Except that it heals sinfully slow.
My investment was huge, at least, to my standards. That's the power of falling in love. You get the courage you never had. You become an entirely new person. You don't mind compromising for her. You don't mind getting scolded, or shouted at. You don't mind being scorned at. You don't mind being pampered. All that, for ten minutes of eye contact with her. Whether anyone may agree with me or not, I must say this worked out perfectly for me. I managed to bring the smile on her face as the last thing before we said bye for the day, and hence, I thought everything was on the right track. And then, February 2012 came. Life as what I knew became history.
I read somewhere, that today, "Being educated is not just being able to learn new things, but being able to unlearn and relearn". Going by that, I can't say I'm educated, because I am still unable to unlearn from what I was, though I have learnt quite a few new things. In spite of my investment, I was happy and on cloud nine most of the times, but this was not how I had wanted that to end. As a matter of fact, I never wanted it to end! Now, I feel like a tree, which was planted, watered, nurtured and cared for till it was about to bear fruit, and then left to dry and then die!
These 181 days have made me realize how important unlearning is. If your mind is a hard-disk, it has to be formatted to write newer things on it (except if you have space, of course - for those who ask mokka questions!). My biggest challenge was and is, of course, the unlearning part. It feels as though I have locked up a room in my house, and I'm afraid to open it and go inside, even to clear up the mess inside it. And I'm scared the room will be locked as long as I am alive.
But I made sure of one thing. I made up my mind to, in order to unlearn her, never resort to the bottles that sell like hot cakes in the duty-free shops at airports, or in the green boarded shops in Tamil Nadu. And, I did it, thanks to Kuala Lumpur, and the people who had just become friends then. Sometimes I say thanks to time, that this did not happen when I did not have these people around me. If it had, I don't know whether I'd be writing today.
Today, the land is empty, except for the debris of the mansion that had fallen. Here, there, everywhere, are once-beautiful artifacts that would have colored up our home, lying around as a pile of dead figures waiting to be recycled. And let me tell you, cleaning this mess up is turning out to be a daunting task. But, I'm not alone, thanks to the family we have become here, in Kuala Lumpur.
Having a good memory is good, but sometimes that turns out to be the biggest hurdle in the way of peace. My memory of February 2012 seems like it had been inscribed on rock, and however hard I try, it just doesn't leave. I should say, she just doesn't leave. And I haven't forgotten that time heals everything. Except that it heals sinfully slow.
My investment was huge, at least, to my standards. That's the power of falling in love. You get the courage you never had. You become an entirely new person. You don't mind compromising for her. You don't mind getting scolded, or shouted at. You don't mind being scorned at. You don't mind being pampered. All that, for ten minutes of eye contact with her. Whether anyone may agree with me or not, I must say this worked out perfectly for me. I managed to bring the smile on her face as the last thing before we said bye for the day, and hence, I thought everything was on the right track. And then, February 2012 came. Life as what I knew became history.
I read somewhere, that today, "Being educated is not just being able to learn new things, but being able to unlearn and relearn". Going by that, I can't say I'm educated, because I am still unable to unlearn from what I was, though I have learnt quite a few new things. In spite of my investment, I was happy and on cloud nine most of the times, but this was not how I had wanted that to end. As a matter of fact, I never wanted it to end! Now, I feel like a tree, which was planted, watered, nurtured and cared for till it was about to bear fruit, and then left to dry and then die!
These 181 days have made me realize how important unlearning is. If your mind is a hard-disk, it has to be formatted to write newer things on it (except if you have space, of course - for those who ask mokka questions!). My biggest challenge was and is, of course, the unlearning part. It feels as though I have locked up a room in my house, and I'm afraid to open it and go inside, even to clear up the mess inside it. And I'm scared the room will be locked as long as I am alive.
But I made sure of one thing. I made up my mind to, in order to unlearn her, never resort to the bottles that sell like hot cakes in the duty-free shops at airports, or in the green boarded shops in Tamil Nadu. And, I did it, thanks to Kuala Lumpur, and the people who had just become friends then. Sometimes I say thanks to time, that this did not happen when I did not have these people around me. If it had, I don't know whether I'd be writing today.
Today, the land is empty, except for the debris of the mansion that had fallen. Here, there, everywhere, are once-beautiful artifacts that would have colored up our home, lying around as a pile of dead figures waiting to be recycled. And let me tell you, cleaning this mess up is turning out to be a daunting task. But, I'm not alone, thanks to the family we have become here, in Kuala Lumpur.
